Kinda Do A Bit
by PixieKindOfCrazy
Summary: The Doctor figures out why he let's River keep a gun and Amy and Rory learn a bit about Time Lord biology. Now with chapter two-the awkward morning after explanation.
1. Chapter 1

_Inspired by the mental image of Alex Kingston with a gun and the way Matt says "Bad, bad girl." _

River's POV

This was fun. Albeit, most sane people wouldn't think so. Then again, most sane people weren't kidnapped as a baby and trained in lethal combat… Eh oh well. I liked it. I liked running around, out of breath, feeling the adrenaline pounding through my veins. I liked the surge of triumph I got when I nailed whatever hapless alien I happened to be shooting at. I liked the thrill, the rush, and that odd sort of control, focus, you feel in these dangerous types of situations.

But I think the thing I like most about being good with a gun is the way it affects the Doctor. And the hilarious why he hasn't quite figured out _why_ it affects him yet.

So there I was, practically strutting back in to the TARDIS. Again. After I just knocked out and or killed at least a dozen Atraxi. Again. I laughed as I noticed it took him a little longer than usual to walk back into the TARDIS. I normally just ignore the way he looks at me after I do that, the way his eyes sort of glaze over, confused and amazed. Because if I spoke on the matter, it would no doubt turn his cheeks pink. But I just couldn't pretend to not feel his hot gaze on my neck this time.

So I turned around with a wicked smile placed on my lips, "See something you like Doctor?" There was an evil lilt in my voice that I had perfected over my years of being married to him. So much so that I now know exactly what this tone of voice did to him. I could see it in his eyes, and the way his shoulders stiffened and his face flushed.

He averted his eyes from me, flitting back and forth, ad coughed a little, clearing his throat and then gulping in that adorably awkward way he does when he gets uncomfortable. You see, he's used to knowing what to do in every situation. But when it comes to things like this. Intimate things. Embarassing things that he would rather no one know about. Things with me. Well that's where he starts to stumble a bit. That is, until I drive him crazy enough that it shakes him out of his awkward state. I love making him go all wild man. I laughed to myself at the thought as he makes his way up to the console, walking around me to the atom accelerator, _pretending _to fiddle with it.

"I-uh-I just,um, well where to now, Song?"

_He must be really raddled if he won't even say my first name_, I mused. He once told me my name excited him. Don't know why. It's just a name. But that's the Doctor for you.

"Doctor," I drawled in an amused sort of warning, "I asked you a question. It's rude to ignore a lady when she's talking to you."

For just a second, irritation broke through his embarrassment long enough for him to glare at me with a look that said _Since when did you become a LADY?_

I laughed at that. True. I wasn't a proper lady. But I was a different kind of lady. And he loved that. I was a woman.

He cleared his throat again, this time in a sort of frustrated way, "What was the question again?" he raised an eyebrow, trying to hide his embarrassment with wit. His face was still quite red though, so it didn't work.

"I said," I walked closer to him and lifted up on my toes to be eye level with him, "Did you see something you liked?" I knew I was taunting him now, but it was just too fun to stop, so I pulled out my gun from my waist and swung it around skillfully on my finger.

He looked to the gun, then glanced back at me, and his eyes got a sort of fire starting to burn in them, "Yes."

The simple word was a little unexpected, it usually takes me longer to break him. But I like this side of him; it's strong, demanding.

I smirked; I knew that most of his sense of nervousness now had been driven out of him by the lust we were both starting to create in the air, but I still felt like I was winning. I'd broken him out of the awkward phase and for that I was proud of myself, "And what would that be?" I raised an innocent eyebrow at him, trying to infuse my voice with as much sweetness-and at the same time slyness- that I could.

He stared me down with that look he gets, the one that tends to scare off whole armies of aliens. But it didn't make ME want to run from him, quite the opposite; it made me want to get closer to him. So much closer. I had a strange urge to hug him, just to express how happy he makes me. Which is really rather an odd sentiment to be feeling right now, considering the fact that my husband is not offering me any sweet or affectionate gesture. No. His eyes are issuing a challenge. That's what that look is; we're both daring the other to give in first. His eyes are burning trails from my face to my feet, lingering in areas that I'm quite proud of.

"You; I like _you_," when he spoke his voice was molten metal; his tone hard but his voice liquid heat. That's when I realized why it didn't take me as long to "break" him as it usually did. That's when I understood what that look that's been in his eyes since he picked me up tonight was about; he's turned on. And judging by my memory of our latest "adventure", he has been for a while. That's the thing about him. He's good at hiding these things. To anyone else, his behavior and expressions that he's been giving me for hours probably would make people think that he's sick, or angry with me. But I knew better, and honestly, I would've figured it out sooner had I not been so busy with the running-from-scaly-aliens-with-lasers- thing. But now that I wasn't distracted, I recognized what that glint in his eyes was now; lust, pure undiluted lust. I also realized that if it only took me a few minutes of teasing to get him to stop hiding it, then I must have done something particularly attractive while running from previously mentioned homicidal aliens.

"I'm curious," I couldn't help the grin in my voice as I trailed my hand from the waist of his pants, up his stomach, coming to rest over his heart.

He cocked his lips to the side in a wry smile, "When are you not?"

I laughed openly- I had no need to hide anything from him- and nodded my head in assent, "Fair point. But what I meant was-it didn't take me long this time to get you to stop stuttering and blushing. So frankly, I want to know-what did I do to…excite you, in the last few hours?"

His eyebrows shot so high up that they disappeared from view under the floppy adorable mess of his hair. I laughed out loud. It was just too funny; he was shocked. Not by my candidness surely, because he's used to that.

"What? What's with the surprised look?"

He shook his head in what looked like amazed bewilderment, "I just didn't realize you'd figure that out," he explained, "Am I that obvious?" his voice and face seemed frustrated now.

I smiled gently, my mood switching yet again. I'd noticed awhile ago that I sometimes unconsciously change moods according to what best fits his.

I moved my hand from his chest to his face,"Only to me, Love."

He sighed, "Well, at least the Atraxi didn't notice…."

I snorted, "To people other than me, it'd look like you were sick. You're good at hiding some things; now don't feel frustrated with yourself."

The heat of the mood was beginning to lessen with all this casual conversation. I wouldn't have that.

I smirked wickedly, knowing my smile would set him on edge. I put my hand on his shoulder and cocked my head to the side in mock innocence, "Now…answer my question, Doctor. What EXACTLY was it in our most recent adventure that you liked so much?"

He could tell, as he always could, that I was challenging him; riling him up on purpose again.

His eyes shot down to look at the gun in my left hand, "That gun, _River_."

_Oh so he's using my name now_, I noticed. Seems like I'd snapped him out of it again.

I brought the gun in front of my face and looked at it, turning it every which way, "I honestly don't see why it excites you so much."

He chuckled darkly, like I was missing some joke and he thought it was adorable. I had an idea why he liked my gun, but I wasn't sure. That doesn't give him right to laugh at me though. He'd pay for that.

Later.

"It's not the gun," he drawled in a low voice that, if I'm honest, I rather liked, "It's the woman handling it. Or rather…the WAY she handles it."

I looked straight into his eyes, which were steadily growing darker, "What about it?" I moved my hand behind him to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. He always loves that.

He swallowed hard, closing his eyes for a second or two, then blinking back into focus to look at me; he'd learned that I liked him to answer me when I asked a question, however rhetorical it may be, "I'm not sure," he mumbled, "Been trying to figure that out recently. Something about the way it moves in your hands...makes you look so….in control, so skilled, and a little bit deadly."

I scratched my nails at the base of his head gently and he closed his eyes again, this time for a bit longer, "'ave no idea why I like that last bit," he groaned with a slightly garbled voice.

I laughed yet again, but I couldn't help it. The man has a way of amusing me at the same time that he makes me feel like a goddess. The fact that I can make this babbling, but still wonderful and awe-inspiring man breathless is something that I never cease to be proud of and thankful for.

"Oh, I think I have an idea," I grin right at him as he opens his eyes and smiles.

"Mmm….I thought you might. Care to explain, Dr. Song?" oh that beautiful idiot; he was enjoying this, challenging me.

I feigned nonchalance and spoke with a calm voice, "I think you like it because it reminds you of other things….."

For a second, he looked truly puzzled, trying hard to understand my innuendo. His strange mix of endearing and powerful is very sexy to me. I had to stop myself from pulling him to me by his suspenders and snogging the mess out of him.

But after a second his eyes came alight, and he muttered a soft, "Oh," in understanding before he tilted his head down more to look straight at me, and delighted smirk came over his face, "Is that what you think?" he laughed at me again….ooooh, he's going to wish he hadn't done that.

When he looked at me, expecting an answer, I only raised an eyebrow to him indignantly.

So he continued, "I think I like it because…..because it scares me a little, honestly. And no one else has ever really been able to do that. Control that is, no one's been able to affect me like you do before."

I recognized that his words were honest, and it was still a little hard for him to be this open, so I forgave him for mocking me with his laughter and stepped one little step closer to him so that our torsos were pressed together, and _yes_, I noted_ I DO affect him. Quite a bit apparently_.

He growled a little to let me know that he'd heard that last stray thought, and it annoyed him for me to push that fact in his face like that.

I looked up at him with a mad twinkle in my eye, "You know it's true, Theta."

When he gave a small quiet moan at just my words, I briefly wondered how many times he's heard me use his real name before. It doesn't really matter though, because he _always_ likes it. It reminds him that I'm the one person who knows him, everything about him, and he knows that I understand what all he's done and accept it, because I would do a lot of the same things if I was him.

He shook his head at me like I was hopeless child that kept disobeying, "Bad, bad, girl."

I swear, if this man doesn't stop making me grin, my face is going to get stuck like this.

"Yes," I agreed, "But I think we just established that you like it. That I'm bad. I mean, isn't that why you've been staring at me while I wasn't looking? So quit acting like you want me stop."

He grinned a cat-got-the-cream smile, like I'd left him an opening that was just too easy, "I never said I wanted you to stop."

I bit my lip, restraining a smile; I couldn't make him think that he was winning. I had to make another move. So I bit my top lip again and slid my tongue out over it to sweep across, effectively taking off my lipstick. His gaze went straight to my mouth and he bit his own lip unconsciously. I bet he didn't even notice he was doing it. Next comes one of my favorite parts; the part where he blurts out whatever he's thinking due to a sufficient lack in control over his own mind.

"I was staring at you because I wanted you. Still do," he sighed, his tone becoming a little desperate. Yep, he's definitely voicing his thoughts accidentally now.

I leaned up on my toes so I was in his face again, "And what's stopping you from having me, then?" I breathed my words onto his mouth.

He clenched his jaw and closed his eyes, moving his head a bit to the side, almost like he was shaking his head 'no'. He suddenly seemed very tense. I wrapped my arm around his neck to comfort him and began scratching the back of his neck again to comfort him.

He grunted out a moan "Your parents, River," he breathed onto my face, and I was so distracting by the sweet smell of his breath and the feeling of having him this close that I almost didn't catch what he'd said, "They're here. Asleep in their room." His voice was severely frustrated and still entirely aroused.

He hung his head on my shoulder and I could tell that he was counting his breaths, trying to cam himself down.

I ran a hand over his hair and laughed very lightly, "Oh Sweetie," I started, "Why didn't you tell me that before I started riling you up?"

He groaned into the shoulder of my dress, "I forgot they were here," his voice was mumbled but I still understood him enough to laugh at his words.

"You forgot? You know every element on the periodic table, you memorized 200 digits of pi yet you FORGOT that my parents are on board?" my voice was dubious, but I couldn't help it, it was just funny.

He shook his head in a gesture of hopelessness and he raised up from my shoulder to look at me and cup my face in his hand, "You distracted me."

Heat started running through my veins again as I felt myself blush, something I rarely do. _Damn this man and his propensity to be so accidentally sweet. _

Now I was faced with a problem; continue with him here, maybe go to his room, but still risk the possibility of my Dad finding us and hitting him with a cricket bat. Or-stop where this was going altogether and simply get some tea, go to my room in the TARDIS, and go to bed. I _really_ wasn't found of the latter option. And I'd never had much trouble throwing caution to the wind before. So I opted to distract him again, make him forget my parents-his best friends-were in the other room and probably didn't want to be woken up by loud- rather awkward for them- sounds.

I put on my best seductive smile and wound my arms back around his neck, and slithered my torso closer to him, pressing my chest against his, "Want me to distract you some more?" I again laced my voice with all the emotions that I hoped would make him lose his train of thought. And just for extra effect, I winked at him. Yep, I bloody winked. And he bloody loved it. I slid my hands fully into his hair now, and pulled on it a bit, he groaned, his voice strained, "God would I, but River….you're par-they….mmmmmm."

He quickly lost the ability to fight back as I circled my hips against his as lightly as I could.

I smiled victoriously in my head as I finally kissed him. His mouth on mine was like a live wire and soft bliss at the same time; calming and enthralling. I pulled his bottom lip into my mouth and sucked on it. He moaned a little louder than before and slipped his hands around to rest on my waist, pulling me closer. When I bit his lip than immediately slid my tongue into his mouth, he tightened his grip on my hips. A lot. His fingers dug into my sides, sending delicious tingles all through me. I moaned and remembered again how much I loved him and his involuntary reactions. I pulled back to look in his eyes and he had a goofy sort of dreamy smile on his face, "Ah, River," he played with a curl by my ear, "Love you."

I chuckled a little, "You should. You married me."

"Mmm, that I did," he agreed, pulling my hips impossibly closer to him. He soon got tired of speaking and leaned down to kiss me again. I licked the roof of his mouth and I felt a shudder go down his spine. In all the years that I'd known him, I'd learned some things; like how to make him forget his own name. Hair pulling. Scratching his neck. Licking the inside of his mouth. All things I had stored away in my memory.

I tugged his shirt tail out of his paints and pushed the sleeves of his jacket down, trying to take it off. He quickly did it for me then pulled me right back against him. It was always like this; like he was afraid that if he didn't have me pressed against him that he might burst into flames. He started trailing kisses down my jaw, to my neck, then back up to my ear. He nibbled on my ear lobe, making me groan, "Doctor," pretty loudly. Then I remembered that he knows just as many ways to get to me as ways I know how to make him stutter. I felt his smirk against my cheek. Oh no, he's getting a bit too smug. I quickly started my retaliation, kissing down his neck to that spot above his collarbone, sucking it hard and letting my tongue out just a bit to tickle his skin. His head lulled back as his voices strained breathlessly, "Rassilon, River."

His moan effectively turned me on more as well, it was an endless cycle really, this thing with him and me. He planted his mouth on mine again, nipping and sucking at my lips as his tongue tasted the inside of my mouth, igniting sparks that went straight to my brain and short-circuited it. On instinct, my hips grinded against him hard, searching for friction, and in return causing the evidence of just how much he wanted me to become even harder.

He broke away from my lips with a strangled gasp and choked out, "God, Song, I can hardly see straight anymore," he dropped his face to my neck again, breathing in then having a bit of trouble breathing out, and I knew he was inhaling the scent coming off of my skin because I'd often done the same thing to him when he was sleeping-not that he really sleeps that often.

His words caused my pride and my heart to swell a little more, "I see what you mean now. The way I affect you…." I trailed off, half teasingly half lovingly.

He nodded and laughed once at himself. He pulled back and tapped my nose, "Now you get it, Song."

I could tell he was trying to be light and teasing like he always is when he uses that gesture on me, but he wasn't quite pulling it off. Because of the husky rasp to his voice, he just sounded sexy, not adorable.

I smiled, wrapped my arms around his back and pushed myself tight up against him again, "I always understood, Doctor, I was just playing with you."

The second those words left my mouth, it was like a switch was flipped, his expression turned deadly, sexy, and very out of control. His eyes became 20 shades darker, almost midnight blue, "You bad girl," he chuckled so roughly to himself that it almost sounded like sobs, but the smirk on his lips told a different story. Then he kissed me. If he was wild before, now he was ravenous. He was running purely on instinct and I loved it. Because he rarely got like this, only for me. Normally, he was perfectly at ease, in control, putting on the responsible all knowing front that he uses to keep his companions at ease. Not now. That façade was gone. Now he was just a man; a Timelord alone with his wife and randy as hell.

I had meant to lead him to his room down the hall, but there was no making him do anything when he was in this state. He plied my lips open with his tongue and delved in, twisting his with mine, frantically fighting to get the upper hand. His hands went everywhere; my back, my hair, my face, my neck. He quickly picked me up by the waist and sat me on the console in front of him. He stepped right up between my legs. Hands on my thighs, he scrunched my dress up to where it was no longer covering my black lace knickers. He fingered the lace for a moment, but instead opted to hastily run his hands down to my calves, yanking on my legs and pulling me snug against him, legs around his waist. I hurriedly tried to unbutton his shirt, but his mood was starting to affect me and my hands had begun shaking a little. I knew it wasn't wise to taunt him when he was like this but I did it anyway, "You must be good, Doc, it seems you're starting to affect me as well. About time it was even."

He growled low in his throat, not threateningly, but more as vocal expression of the heady mix of love and lust that no doubt was pounding through his heart, and mind, and veins.

He looked up at me with his signature goofy smile, although it looked really different when paired with the fire behind his eyes, "You wound me, Dr. Song. "

The light nature of his words didn't match his actions; fast and hard, he yanked at his shirt, tearing the buttons off, sending them to the floor with a succession of tinkling sounds.

I smiled as the smooth skin of his torso was revealed, "Only unintentionally," I grabbed two of his belt loops and yanked on them, pulling him back to me, securing my legs around his waist again, running my bare feet up the back of his thighs.

He made a deep "mmmm" sound in the back of his throat, "Riv…" he trailed off as I pulled his mouth back to me needily. I was letting my control slip with every bit of his skin I touched I was starting to forget where I was. He tended to have that effect on me. Blasted man. But oh god, I loved him. In that moment, I needed him like air. I drank breaths from his lips and delighted at the sound of his short little pants and moans as I started a continuous rhythm, pushing hips up against his, over and over again.

"Doctor," I moaned into his ear, scratching at his neck to hold him to me, grinding myself particularly hard against him this time, following all that by sucking his earlobe into my mouth. For a few seconds, I sensed that his legs were starting to go weak, "God, Riv-," he moaned to me, knowing I loved to know how I made him feel, that I thrived and fed off it, "I can't-I need," he gave up trying to express himself and just sighed a groan, "oh please," he was starting to lose coherency now and I could feel him straining hard against his trousers. I took pity on him and started to undo the button on his pants; it must be painful, after all.

He sighed and I wasn't sure if it was from relief or if it was just the only way he could think of to express the tornado of emotions and sensation and frustration mixed with satisfaction that was inside him. Or at least, that's how I felt and that's precisely why I groaned against his neck and bit his bare shoulder. He started panting at a steady rate that was slowly but surely speeding up, along with his heartbeats that I could hear (Timelord senses). He buried his face in my neck, licking the side and sucking my skin into his mouth along the way, no doubt leaving a mark. I ran my hands through his hair to try to get him to calm down-it was starting to sound like he was about to start hyperventilating- as I moaned at the fiery tingles that his ministrations were making zip through me, ultimately landing in my core, heating my whole body up probably 10 whole degrees in 5 seconds. I was being honest when I said _he_ affected _me_, too.

"Oh good lord," I sighed as I knotted my fingers in his hair, pulling at the strands a bit roughly. He grunted at me and projected a thought into my mind-_Stop, I can't concentrate when you do that. _I knew he was trying to focus on making me feel good, and I appreciated that but I honestly wasn't thinking clearly either therefore I didn't have much control over my actions and what I did or didn't do to him. I noted randomly that I loved that our mind blocks came down during this and we could see inside each other's minds. That's one reason why Timelord sex is so different than human interactions…because everything is shared and mixed and amplified, all the feelings and sensations swirling around and making us both go mad.

"Sweetie," I somehow got out, "I'm not doing it on purpose."

He looked at me then and his eyes widened as he realized that neither of us had any control over this situation now. He moaned at the thought and put his hands on both sides of my face and kissed me in earnest, showing me everything that was in his mind. I closed my eyes and tipped my head back, enjoying taking it all in. We saw explosions of colors and lights and intangible things that I can't explain but made both of us moan together. I felt how out of control he felt; he felt like he was running desperately to go jump off a cliff and fall forever. And the crazy and wonderful part of the feeling? He wanted it. He wanted to fall off. So badly. And I realized I felt that way too. These were both our emotions and thoughts now.

_So many things …River!_ He almost yelled in our collective mind. He communicated to me without words his feeling of thankfulness that he finally had someone. I knew he'd always felt alone, like no one could understand to him, not on the truest level. He had friends, and confidants, and people to talk to, but he had always wanted someone to just _share_ himself with. Someone who understood what he felt when he had to make life changing decisions, someone who thought like he did; clever and stubborn. I knew all that, but I was still overwhelmingly touched to feel how ecstatic he was that he'd finally found me and had the strength to break down his walls to let me in and trust me, love me. There were tears behind my eyelids as I opened my eyes to look at him. I smiled at him, soft and warm, to let tell him 'thank you' and a little shy half smile slid onto his face saying 'yeah, you're welcome. Thanks to you too'. Our silent exchange didn't last long as the combined emotions thing was flaring up again and seemingly making the two of us unable to do anything but snog each other for all we were worth. I surprised myself when I made a little whimpering sound at the back of my throat, "Doctor, love you. So much," I panted.

He swallowed to gain enough breath to speak, when he did, his eyes lit up, "I know. Believe me River, I know."

He flipped me around to the sofa chair behind the console and laid me down, slowly crawling over me, placing both his hands on either side of my head, "River," he growled simply, before he descended his lips down to mine, slanting his mouth to deepen the angle and repeatedly sliding his tongue against mine to feel the texture, then swallowing my taste down his throat. I had both my arms around his back in a vice grip; there was no way I was letting him go anywhere. I tightened my arms as I bucked my hips up again, eager to return to our earlier pattern. He frantically obliged, grinding down into me, we both moaned anew at the electricity racing rampantly through us. I arched my back to get closer to him, pulling my hands around to run them down his bare abdomen, scratching my nails on his lower stomach.

He actually bloody hissed at that, "Pants. Dress," he licked my lips, greedily taking off my flavored lipstick, "Off. Now."

"Oi! I'd like the both of ya to keep what little ye ARE wearing on!" The very Scottish voice of my mother rang out across the console room, sounding very startled, kind of angry, and still a little amused. Her voice cut through the haze of our own little bubble, effectively killing the mood. I flopped back against the couch and sighed, frustrated. The Doctor's eyes widened to comic proportions as he sat straight up, his posture ramrod straight as he turned beet red and tried to look anywhere but at my parents, searching for his shirt out of the corner of his eye.

I sat up and noticed that my Dad was silently fuming beside Mum, too angry to know where to begin. His expression was murderous. I started to get more and more nervous looking at his face. Mum I could handle, embarrassing yes but I'd grown up with her as my best friend; I'd been embarrassed in front of her before. But Dad? Everything changed when he figured out that he was my father; he became the endearingly over-protective, very-scary-to-all-males-who –at-me Centurion father. Poor Doctor.

"I-uh-we-well…I-I didn't….I-uuuuugh!" he finally just gave up trying to explain and dropped his head to his chest, staring at his shoes, which somehow we hadn't managed to take off. I noticed his bow tow laying crumpled pathetically on the floor beside us and almost laughed at the fact that I didn't remember either of us taking it off of him. Then I looked back at my parents and suddenly didn't think it was funny anymore.

I looked over at my partner in crime one last time, seeing if he was going to talk again; he was shifting around restlessly, trying to find some way to hide the obvious bulge in his trousers. I sighed and got up from where I was sitting, walking over to Mum and Dad.

"Look, Mum, Dad, I know we shouldn't have started….doing that HERE, but we ARE married."

I noticed that Mum seemed to have relaxed immensely, no longer shocked or angry, just a little irritated that her best friend was getting it on with her daughter out in the open. But mostly, she looked amused at the Doctor's discomfort. It's hard not to find your friends minor pains funny.

Dad however, was still livid, and had finally collected himself enough to speak, and the Doctor had come to stand behind me by this time, but when Theta placed a hand on the small of my back, Dad lost it, "Get your hands off my daughter!" he bellowed, stepping forward toward the Doctor, hand on his sword that he must of grabbed before he came out of his room to see what the noise was about. I shuffled forward quickly to put my hands on his chest, pushing him back, "Dad!" I shrieked, using an offended voice that I rarely use, "I know I'm your daughter, but I'm a grown woman now! He's my husband!"

"But I'm still your father! It's my job to protect you and I'm sorry but it's in my DNA to want to kill any guy that touches you," Dad looked in my eyes, trying to get me to understand.

I sighed, yelling at him wasn't going to resolve this. I placed a hand gently over his heart, and hugged his side, "I know, Dad, really, I do. I understand where you're coming from. But you've gotta listen to me if the 4 of us are ever going to get past this and travel together, you have to understand my point of view, okay?" I looked up at him with hopeful puppy eyes, trying to calm him down enough to where he's reasonable and will listen to me.

He clenched his jaw, then released it, his posture relaxing a bit as he sighed in defeat, "Fine. I'll listen."

I smiled gratefully, "Look, Dad, you know I love you and Mum. And I know this is hard for you to hear. But I am the Doctor's wife," I said fiercely, "He has a right to touch me if I want him to."

The mention of the doctor's hands on me almost made Dad go back into a rage, but Mum put a hand on his arm and whispered to him, "She's right."

I smiled gratefully at her, "And really, wouldn't you rather it be someone you know and would trust with your lives like the Doctor than some pig I'd meet on Earth?" I smirked at my parents a little as the begrudgingly realized I was right.

Dad grunted and grimaced a little before his expression turned softer, giving in and understanding, agreeing.

Mum rolled her eyes at all three of us, "You people are too much work sometimes."

But her words were said with a smile so none of us took her seriously "But, seriously, we understand you, Melody," she put a hand on my shoulder, "It's just gonna take us a while to get used to the idea that…well that our daughter married our best friend….who's a one thousand year old alien…." Mum trailed off with a slightly awkward tone, making us all laugh. She quickly turned her attention back to the Doctor behind me, "Hey, you, Mr. You haven't said anything yet…care to contribute to this family discussion?"

"Heh," The Doctor almost squeaked, still slightly red in the face and I heard his random thought, _Not really, no _before he decided to answer, "Sure," he swallowed and put his arm around my waist, pulling me to his side and I, in turn, wrapped my arms around his waist, "All I can say, Pond, is that I swear to you-I'll do everything I can to take care of your daughter."

He dropped his arm from around me and walked up to Amy and Rory, putting a hand on each of their shoulders, "I know she still seems like that baby you lost on Demons Run to you guys, and I'm sorry that ever happened. But it won't ever happen again. I will protect her; body, heart, and soul… And honestly, I'm grateful you haven't hit me over the head yet," he laughed shakily, patting Rory on the shoulder. Dad eyed him suspiciously and flinched his shoulder, "I still might," but he smiled a little at the end to soften the threat, "Watch out. You better respect her, Doctor."

He back-stepped from them and dropped his hands quickly, "Oh, yes. Of course. Respect. Treat River right. Always. Promise," he rambled on quickly and crossed his fingers over his heart. I rolled my eyes at his characteristic behavior-this was the only way he knew how to comfort them right now-he wasn't yet ready to tell anyone but me what I mean to him. Not on the deepest level, at least.

I walked up behind him and pulled him back from my parents by the shoulder, "Theta, dear, please stop embarrassing yourself."

The three of us laughed at his expense for a minute before Amy stopped, and look like she'd just noticed something passed over her face, "Wait…River, what did you just call him?"

My eyes widened almost as big as the Doctor's had before as I realized that I'd accidentally slipped his REAL name into conversation with others.

I laughed to try to ease the tension but I just ended up laughing at this whole situation instead, "Well, um….I called him Theta….because that's his name."

The Doctor glared at me from behind, I could feel it, "Melody Pond!" he hissed quietly for only me to hear, "Now Amy's never going to shut up about this, plus, knowing my real name is not a safe thing for somebody to carry around with them."

Mum's eyes held a frightening sort of glee; it made me wanna smile and run away at the same time, Mum has that affect on people "The Doctor's real name! I KNEW he told you!...But Theta? Really? Oh who NAMED you, Doc?"

The Doctor exhaled thickly, pinching the bridge of his nose, "My deluded mother," he muttered, not meaning for us to hear, but of course, we all did. (**a bit OOC)**

Suddenly, my parents started laughing and couldn't stop. I smiled, very amused but I still felt sorry for my Doctor. I could tell he was torn between being grateful that they accepted the two of us being together and annoyed at them for laughing, and…something else. I had to stop myself from clapping with joy as I realized that our mind link was still there; because it doesn't actually go away until….we finish. So I could tell that he was feeling something else besides that weird mix of gratitude and irritation. I scrunched my eyebrows together, thinking, until suddenly it dawned on me. And I wasn't sure if I wanted to laugh or moan. That feeling of his that I was trying to decipher was….lust. He was still rearing to go, so to speak, and it was annoying and frustrating the hell out of him that he had to hide that from my parents WHILE they laughed at him for something else.

"I'm sorry, Grumpy Face," Amy mock-pouted at him, and I laughed, it warmed my heart to see the genuine friendship and antics between them, "It's just hilarious to us to think of you as a normal guy, having a dysfunctional family and an embarrassing full name."

I bit my lip at the irony of my mother's statement; all four of us were already a dysfunctional, but still happy, family.

And I knew, at another time, my Theta would find the whole thing funny too, but the laugh he just gave my parents was fake. Forced. So much so that I wasn't the only on that noticed that the Doctor was starting to act a bit more OFF than usual. I walked around behind him to sit back on the sofa coach. I crossed my legs, sat back, and amusedly watched for what was about to happen. I had done research on Timelords, because I wanted to know how to find the Doctor, but also because I wanted to learn about myself. I remember reading something very interesting about the area of the Gallifreyan brain that controls erotic interactions. It said that that section of the brain is kind of like a switch. For Gallifreyan men, that part of their brain literally gets turned ON. And once it's on, it doesn't stop moving a mile a minute and secreting hormones all throughout the body until the job is finished. The Gallifreayn brain is designed in extremes-built to fit the operation for which it's needed. And the sexual part of a Timelord's brain's job is to ensure the wants they're experiencing get fulfilled. Therefore, it's rather bad news when someone interrupts that process….because once the switch is on, there's only one way to turn it off. It was rather efficient really, but at times like this-awkward.

"Doctor…" Rory started but was interrupted by the brash voice of his wife.

"You seem….sick," I bit my tongue to stop myself from bursting out in a fit of giggles, "I didn't know TImelords could GET sick!" she teased him, poking him in the side, then noticed something weird about his shirt (that he'd put back on a few minutes ago), "Doctor, why on Earth are there no buttons on your buttown down shirt?" she had the evil spark in her eye again and a mocking look on her face that I knew never failed to annoy Theta, in that sister/bestfriend kind of way.

"Yeah,Doc, you look…weird….you're all flushed and sweaty and jittery," my Dad's nurse instincts were taking over and he stepped up to the Doctor to put a hand on his forehead and I immediately knew what would happen if anyone other than me touched his skin right now; he'd yell. And he did.

"Don't touch me!" he stepped back like he'd been burned and once again avoided my parent's eyes as they looked at him like he'd lost it.

"Is he going mental?" Amy asked, genuinely worried that something was happening to her best friend. I chuckled mentally-something IS happening to him. Hormones.

My parents reactions-the teasing, the concern- were just about to overwhelm him. I could sense it. It's a part of being a Timelord's wife. And I realized that that section of that book I'd read applied to TimeLADIES too…that's why I'd started calling him MINE in my thoughts every two seconds. But I wasn't full Timelord so I didn't feel the effects of "the switch" as much…but the Doctor did. And he wasn't going to be able to fight off his instincts much longer. I just knew; he was about to snap. 3,2-

"I'M FINE! JUST FINE! Just a little hot. And yes I can get sick POND! And if you WANT to know what happened to my shirt, I'll tell you-I ripped it off! Now, sick, I'm bloody sick, as I mentioned. It's starting to get very hot in here…" my Theta started panting and fanning himself as THAT certain section of his brain noticed he wasn't….doing as his body wanted, and was therefore flooding his blood with hormones and sending impulses to his brain, causing his mind to race faster and his body temperature to raise several degrees. He looked around the room frantically, searching for me, then his eyes landed on me and he pointed at me imperiously, "You. Come 'ere."

The look on his face made me grin a bit as he pulled me up from the sofa, "Gladly."

He pulled me to him to whisper into my ear, "River. I-I-can't…I'll explain later, but I-"

I looked him in the eye, "I know. I know what's happening. I'll say something to my Mum and Dad."

A grateful looked somehow slipped through the crazed haze in his eyes.

"I'm just going to take him to lie down. I think he really has a fever. And since I've researched Timelord sicknesses, I know that he should probably stop moving to settle himself until I figure out what's wrong. Probably some outer space cold, though. He'll be fine." _Once he starts kissing me again that is…_

I smiled genuinely at my parents, trying to persuade them that my bull was true. I felt like a normal girl for once as I cheered in my head when it looked like my parents were buying it. Well, my husband WAS acting really strange, according to human standards at least. But when is he NOT strange?

"Yeah, before he jumped and freaked out when I touched his forehead, he DID feel really hot. Like burn-your-hand-hot…" my dad trailed off with a confused look on his face, trying to figure the Doctor out…THAT would never happen.

I put a hand to the Doctor's forehead and felt that my dad was right; Theta actually does have a fever, from the effects of the 'switch'. I really need to get him out of here and well…into our bedroom. Not meaning to be crass, but honestly; it's just his biology.

The Doctor clung to me, keeping me tight by his side with that arm around my waist again, before I realized what he was doing he leaned down and started planting kisses down my neck. My eyes widened as I fought back a moan. I jabbed him in the side with my arm, but it didn't stop him, he was starting to run on auto-pilot, "River…" he drawled tracing his fingers down my face," I need you. River," he smiled dreamily, no longer aware my parents were staring at him in horror.

"River, what the hell is wrong with him?" Dad demanded.

"You REALLY don't wanna know, Dad trust me. But suffice it to say, we all need to go back to our rooms, because honestly I don't think he knows you two are here right now and he's not going to stop kissing me…." I tested out my theory by shaking his shoulders to try to jar him out of his stupor; it didn't work. He just pulled my face to his and a second later he was licking the inside of my cheek.

"Doctor!" Amy shouted in shock, "Wait 'til we're gone, at least. I mean, we JUST had this conversation. I don't care if you ARE sick."

I shook my head at her, "Amy, he can't hear you. Honestly." I pleaded with her with my eyes, for her to understand, "I'll explain this to you guys later. But right now-I need to take my Theta this way," I started walking down the hall to our bedroom and it wasn't til I was half way there that I realized that I'd subconiously interjected the possessive pet name into my explanation. I started to become more and more aware of the fact that every time I looked at his face, I wanted to moan… Oh hell, it was starting to affect me too.

As soon as I closed the door of our room he grabbed my waist, picked me up, pulling at my legs again so I'd cinch them around his waist, and slammed me into the wall beside the door, "River," he growled, "River…"

I smiled against his lips as he repeated my name over and over again, like it soothed him to hear my name, calmed the storm in his mind a little bit. Or maybe he was just thinking out loud again and my name had become his only thought. That's very likely, actually.

"You know you're going to have to explain yourselves to my parents in the morning, right?" I laughed against his ear as he continued licking and nipping my neck.

He groaned, "What?" he muttered, distracted by my skin in front of his face.

I laughed when I realized my theory was right-he had no idea what I was talking. He was completely delirious.

"Oh nothing," I sung teasingly into his ear and let out a rare giggle. _He'll find out tomorrow…_

I knew he'd heard that thought, but he seemed to be ignoring it. Oh I did love when got like this.

But he wasn't the only one affected-I needed him too-and now it was my turn.

I slipped my legs down from his waist, entwining mine with his seeing as he was still pressing me tight to the wall. I grabbed onto his shoulders and flipped him around, pushing him to his bed, "Lay down," I commanded.

A smirk graced his lips, and I was almost a little relieved to see HIM coming back instead of the auto-pilot him. Don't get me wrong, he hasn't lost the fever or anything and I love that, but now I can see recognition in his face again. Not that he didn't recognize me before it's just…oh I don't know! I can't think me he's staring at me with that look. My face flushed but I managed to keep my authoritative tone, because I knew he liked being bossed around. He normally has to control everything in his life, so contrary to popular belief he actually likes letting go of the reins. He just usually doesn't unless I'M the one he hands them to-because he truly trusts me.

He obliged me and fell back onto his bed, "You need to get over here in the next three seconds."

I laughed at his strict tone; he was so rarely this serious "And if I don't?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

His eyes caught fire again as he twisted his mouth to the side, thinking for a second, then he sighed deeply, as a way to express frustration and let out emotions, "You'll be the death of me, River Song."

I sauntered my way over to him, swaying my hips way more than was necessary, just to make him gulp-and he did. As I was walking I slipped the straps of my dress down my arms and slowly let the top of the dress fall, revealing my belly button and up, including the matching bra I was wearing. Wouldn't be wearing it for long, I assumed from the look in his eyes. He raked his gaze up and down my mid section, from my waist to my eyes and my hair. He licked his lips in anticipation.

"Only unintentionally, Love," I repeated.

He laughed out loud, throwing his head back and I remembered how much he likes it when we repeat each other's words from different memories.

I walked up to the bed and crawled onto it, hovering over him on all fours, with my hair falling in his face. I leaned over him so that some of my weight rested on him, chest to chest.

He smiled, gentle for a moment, and brushed a stray piece of hair behind my ear and ran his thumb over my cheekbone, "I love you, River. Remember that…when you meet all the other me's, just remember that I love you, even though I won't say it, I still loved you-even then. I was just afraid, afraid to-"

"Shh," I shook my head at him and lowered my lips to hover an inch above his, "I know. So please, do shut up, Sweetie."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer**: Doctor Who does not belong to me, but not because of copyrights, but because I still think the Doctor is real. Oh, Blue Box, take me away.

**A/n**: I would say this is for the reviewer who wanted to see the morning after scene, but honestly this is kind of for me. This was just too much fun not to and enjoy. By the way, I have other one shots like this written somewhere in notebooks that I am going to find and type up. Sorry for the rant, but still review please.

Oh and if River seems kind of out of character during the kitchen scene, that's because I'm extremely hyper writing this for God knows why.

River's POV

I smiled warmly as I looked over at the sleeping man beside me. He so rarely sleeps. And him letting people see him sleep is an even rarer occasion. Although, I doubt he realizes I'm staring at him right now. He's normally so…I'm not sure how to describe it. The Doctor is just The Doctor. There's not a better adjective. He's either all on or all off. He spends so much time constantly running around, saving people, doing ridiculous and wonderful Doctor-things that when he finally does stop, he almost can't help but to fall over asleep. Granted, he can stay running without sleeping a lot longer than humans can. A lot longer. But he still does and I love that I get to see it.

He frowns in his sleep and looks a little too much like a child then mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like, "No! Don't shoot…bowtie….bowtie's cool."

I laugh in spite of myself. Even though I may act like I'm in charge, I'd still do anything that man told me. He always has a reason.

"Sweetie," I try to wake him gently, running my thumb over his cheekbone. I know he will wake up. Theta's a strangely light sleeper, has been in all the years I've known him. He could wake up at a pen dropping. That's not to say that he'd _get_ up, but he'd definitely be awake.

He blinks and suddenly green-blue eyes are staring at me and I grin; his eyes are young. There are so few times when his eyes have this look-the joyful, a bit confused, but content look. It normally only happens when he's just woken up. He doesn't feel so old.

"Hello, River," he smiles sweetly and my heart aches for a moment while I smile back.

I hear movement in the other room and I very nearly giggle at what I've just remembered, "Hello, Doctor. Good morning?"

Most people wouldn't make it a question, but he knows me well enough to realize I'm teasing him for his cheerfulness. He does not care.

"Quite," he chirped, "Your hair makes a very nice pillow, you know?"

I throw my head back and laugh fondly at him, the low sound warming my throat, "Oh, Doctor, that was not my hair you were sleeping on."

"Then what…." He started, confused, until I simply lifted an eyebrow at him until he flushed red with realization, "I was…my head was on your ch….oh. Sorry," he grinned sheepishly.

"Oh don't be sorry to me, I may not look it, but I happen to love cuddling. Besides, you did more scandalous things than that last night," I winked at him just to see if he'd go red again. This sometimes happens; right when we wake up, he'll be too dazed and sleepy to have the presence of mind to not be embarrassed. The wonderful idiot.

He frowned at my teasing instead, "I don't recall you complaining, River."

I grinned, unaffected, "That's because I didn't."

He smiled, proud of himself. Oh, Doctor.

At his little smirk, I just decided to give in and remind him of what I'd remembered earlier, "By the way, I'm assuming you remember everything of last night now, correct?"

He only nodded.

"In that case, you realize that you're going to have to explain your biology to my parents and tell them exactly why you were giving me hickeys right in front of them."

The moment the words left my mouth, he turned beet red and his eyes grew to the size of saucers. This was going to be good. He looked downright terrified. He reached to adjust his bowtie out of nervous habit before he realized he wasn't wearing one. Or much of anything else.

"You mean….But I….River, they won't….But…..no!"

I laughed, Oh I'm going to enjoy this, "Sweetie, you basically blacked out and attacked me right in front of them. Not that I complaining," I threw him a wink for good measure and he went redder, "But you can't expect them to just forget what they saw when you go out for breakfast this morning, you know that right?"

"…..I don't need breakfast."

I smiled indulgently at him; I only let him get away with these things because of moments like this. He just makes me smile; as corny as it sounds, it makes me all warm inside. Like my head is filling up with a bright star. I think it's his soul, in my mind.

"Of course not, Sweetie."

From the glare he gave me, I guessed he knew I was being quite sarcastic.

"You're really going to make me go out there and explain myself, aren't you?" he looked at me like a five year old being asked to do trig. He'd actually rather do that.

"Doctor, I'm not _making_ you do anything. But you have to leave this room eventually. And no, don't say 'I don't have to leave' because even if you don't, you know Mum will just knock down this door eventually to get you to explain."

He just looked at me with scared eyes for a long minute, "I imagine death by Centurion sword is a very unpleasant way to go."

I only smirked, "You're fault for molesting his daughter. You're the one that chose to love the daughter of a Centurion."

His face changed and suddenly he was smiling at me with a bewildered affectionate gaze, "Conscious choice had nothing to do with it, River."

"River," he turned around from his hiding place behind the corner to look at me with what I call his Number 7 Pleading Look. The 'I know I did something really stupid, but don't make me fix it, I promise I won't do it again' look.

"Doctor, go into that room right now and talk to my parents," I made my tone stern so he knew I wouldn't put up with any B.S.

He sighed and tried to make his countenance seem determined, "Right," he nodded, "Explaining. To Ponds…."

"Sweetie, no matter how many times you say it, it's not gonna change the awkwardness you feel. Just go."

He turned to look at me wordlessly, with the stare that meant he knew I was right, then turned and carefully walked-or more accurately tip-toed- into the TARDIS kitchen.

I grinned as I saw Mum's bright red head at the table, and my Dad's mussed bed head right beside her. They were sipping coffee and reading the paper. How delightfully-and ironically-normal.

I love these moments.

I cleared my throat to let them know we were here. I smirked as Theta immediately turned to glare at me. I stared back, loving the challenge.

And 3….2…..1!

"You," Dad spat, spotting the Doctor and standing up from the table, "You owe all of us an explanation. I know River said you were sick, but seriously, you had to have heard us telling you to detatch yourself from our DAUGHTER!"

The Doctor froze. He honestly did not know what to do. He's not used to that.

He gulped and looked from Dad's face to my Mum's-who seemed slightly more amused than my father, "Uuuuuuhhh…..Sorry?"

I burst out laughing. Sometimes, I just can't help it. Oh, the reactions that man can get from me.

My rather random fit of laughter caused my father to turn his stare-glare- to me, "What's so funny, Melody?"

Ooooh, he's using my birthname. He must be mad. I stared at my feet. Oh, look I'm not wearing shoes. Sorry, the Doctor's…more spastic qualities tend to rub off on me.

"Nothing, Dad. Just….well, I always find the Doctor embarrassed to be funny," I shrugged, not knowing how else to say it.

Mum stood up and smirked at the lot of us, "You know what I find to be even funnier? The fact that I had to see my daughter and best friend getting it on, all the while not being to get said best friend to stop or HEAR me, and the morning after, he can't even form a sentence. Truly. Amusing," her smirk had changed to a raised eyebrow and a 'explain or run' stare, "Oh, yeah, I didn't forget."

Damn her Scottish feistyness.

I turned red. I'm not usually one to be embarrassed or shy, but if your mum was scolding you after what happened last night….you'd blush too.

"Sorry Mum, honest. I didn't mean for you guys to ever see that. And when I first came to the TARDIS last night, I truly didn't know you guys were here. And like I said-he _is_ my husband, and I don't get to see him often enough, or at least not _this_ him."

She looked at me for a long hard second, along with Dad, before her face turned softer, smiling at me, "I guess I understand that. And I'm sorry about not understanding before, but you have to let us get used to you guys being…whatever you are. I mean…it'll take a while before it's _not_ awkward and I am happy you guys have each other and all but I would rather not ever see _that_ again. It's all kinds of disturbing," she laughed lightly.

I smiled back instinctively. I love having my Mum here, I really do even if it does make for awkward times, because I never got to tell them who I was when I was Mels. I feel that, in a way, this makes up for it.

Dad nodded in agreement, "That's all lovely and all, and I don't disapprove of the two of you being…..together, but I _do_ disapprove of him continuing in front of us after we told him to stop."

"He didn't hear you."

…Three pairs of eyes were suddenly staring at me. Dad's still angry, Mum's confused, Doctor's embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, what?" Mum was the one to break the hugely painful silence, thanks.

I had to exert energy to keep myself from laughing, smirking, and/or rolling my eyes.

The Doctor finally cleared his throat, "Um…River…I don't think they really want to understand that bit."

"We do," my parents chorused in unison…..I'd love to say that's abnormal, but they actually used to do that a lot when we were younger.

I smirked smugly at him, "See? They're confused and mad at you…what makes you think they would be okay with ignoring this whole thing? They want to know what was happening. After all, I _did _tell them you were 'sick'."

"Why do I sense air-quotes?" Mum raised an eyebrow.

"Because I put them there," I grinned, wide.

She rolled her eyes at me, "Oh, Mels, you're still the same."

"So you weren't sick last night?" Rory eyed the Doctor carefully, seeming to get angry again, "Then just why were you being all….angry and moody and…why did you have a fever? I felt it. If you weren't sick, then what was that about?"

"…..I um….stood under the vent heater too long?"

That man. He always makes his lies sounds like questions. It's such an obvious tell.

"I told you you're a bad liar, Doctor," Mum laughed.

"Well, it's just…I mean I don't particular want to explain…._this…_" he made an abstract gesture with his hands that could've meant anything or nothing.

Mum and Dad switched their gazes to me, "Translate him River."

"…I'm not speaking, English? Funny…I thought that was Earth English…."

I rolled my eyes, "Doctor, they know what you said. You're speaking perfect English. They just don't know what you meant. They need a Doctor-to-sane-person translator. Me," I chuckled low, "So, Theta never explained any of his biology to you guys?"

I was met with blank stares, which I took to mean no, "Nothing? He never explained to you how TimeLord physiology doesn't work like human's?"

They furrowed their eyebrows and shook their heads, "He hasn't told us a thing."

"Wait…you _do_ know he has two hearts, don't you?"

Mum rolled her eyes, "That much he got around to telling us. Took him a while though."

"Hey!" he defended, "We were always busy running around doing…world-saving….stuff! Why would I stop in the middle of that to explain my anatomy to you?"

"Oh, I don't know, in case you ever needed CPR, it might have been helpful to know!"

"Amy!," Dad rarely yells at Mum, so I was taken aback a step, "We're getting off topic."

"Right," I nodded, "Well, do you know what two hearts _mean_, as far as reactions go?"

"Faster circulation?" Dad guessed, his nurse instincts kicking in.

I smiled, approvingly, "Yes, well, that's certainly one thing. Makes it a _lot_ harder to get him drunk, I'll tell you that."

"River!" Theta was outraged behind me, "Time and place. Besides, why would you want to get me drunk? You've never gotten me drunk."

I ignored his question and sighed, "Not for lack of trying," I muttered under my breath before turning back around, "Anyway, you get a fever because you're body is using more energy for a number of different processes. Did you ever wonder why you turn red when you get hot or after you exercise?"

Mum nodded, looking interested, "Yeah."

"It's because your body is trying to cool itself. It opens blood vessels close to the surface of your skin to release heat, but it also makes your skin look reddish. And sometimes, it makes your skin hotter while the rest of you cools down. Well, Gallifreyan responses don't quite work that way. I researched all of this when I was in University, trying to find him, of course. TimeLord reactions are much more….planned than human's. Every process a Gallifreyan body initiates has a function that must be fulfilled. In humans, if a reaction is started, but midway it's not needed anymore, it cancels itself out with a negative feedback system. TimeLords can't do that. The body finishes what it starts."

I heard Theta's pained groan behind me when he recognized where I was going with this.

_You WOULD explain it like that_, he projected the thought to me and I could feel his irritation.

_Of course_, I thought back, still paying attention to my parent's faces, "And I'm assuming that he never told you how TimeLords were…made back on Gallifrey either. You see, TimeLord children aren't born the traditional human way. They are genetically loomed. But sometimes, even Gallifreyans had human moments. You see, children were loomed because it was more efficient, not because they _couldn't _make children the other way. And husbands and wives still loved each other the same way, it was just a much more…strict, decorum society than what most humans are used to. So…_that_ still happened, but it was always behind closed doors. Strictly, always private. Interrupting, even by accident, could get the interrupter in big trouble."

Dad stared at me, while Mum looked intrigued, "Interesting and all, but why is this relevant?"

I couldn't help the wicked smirk that decided to take over my face, "Don't you wonder _why_ interrupting was looked upon as almost a crime?"

They looked at me, mystified as to what I was getting at, "Why?"

"It's like I said, everything is a process with a function for Gallifreyans…even _that_, and the process doesn't stop when the person stops. In fact, it notices that the person has…_stopped_. And this is where it gets awkward. The processes can't stop, they're not designed to, so when the person stops, their body literally does everything it can to make them…complete the process. Including the physiological responses I was talking about. Both hearts beat double-time, sending hormones and impulses to the brain and…other places. The TimeLord pituitary literally blocks all other logical signals. So when I said he couldn't hear you…I mean he _really _couldn't hear you. At one point, it's almost like he blacked out. That level of onslaught from your own body can make you delusional. And Theta never was good at fighting it."

This has to be the most awkward silence in history. And I would know, I've experienced these kinds of silences in all different time periods. Normally because of something ridiculous that Theta accidentally did.

"…..So…..you're telling me, "Mum almost couldn't keep down her giggles and Dad looked so disturbed he'd lost all traces of anger from his expression, "That he basically…got so randy that he mentally passed out?"

The floodgate that was keeping her giggles at bay burst when she saw the shade of scarlet of the Doctor's face.

"Amelia Pond!"

I walked back over to him and laughed, "Calm down, Theta, you don't want me to think you're denying it-that I make you…how did you put it, Mother? Randy?" I laughed evilly, "Well, then I'd just feel insulted, Doctor."

"I truly don't like this conversation," was the only thing Dad said before he fled up the steps and down the hall.

"Oh, Mummy, I think you better go see if Dad's all right…"

She pinned me with her world-famous Amelia glint in her eyes, then snorted, "I can't leave you two alone! The Doctor might overheat again or something."

"I'm not a space heater!"


End file.
